Tired of Longing July 17, 2013Posted by thesociallyawkwardchristian in Christianity.
I’ve been tired for a long time, I guess.
Though sometimes I feel like I have no good reason for being tired. I suffer from chronic laziness.
But, there’s only so many times you can take feeling like you’re moving forward only to be catapulted backwards.
I’m tired of girls being affectionate one day and then disappearing the next.
I’m tired of struggling to get an interview with a better job only to be told I’m not experienced, skilled, or just plain good enough. If I’m told anything at all, of course.
I’m tired of being told I’m argumentative when I’m only standing up for what I feel is right and truth.
I’m tired of knowing that sometimes I am the only one to blame for my low satisfaction with life.
I’ve recently met a group of friends that accept and encourage and support and love me like no group I’ve ever had. The only problem is that my interactions with them are entirely through screens.
For those familiar with the “5 Love Languages” I’m definitely a physical touch guy. This is not necessarily erotic touch. I appreciate a slap on the back from a guy almost as much as I do a caress from a woman (in different ways, of course, but they both make me feel good.)
This way of needing a close hug, squeeze of the hand, or even a playful punch in the arm makes it hard being away from people whom you love.
I long to feel the touch of Jesus. Not in a spiritual way, but in a physical way. I daydreamed earlier today about just walking around a lake with him. Our arms around each other’s shoulders, laughing and enjoying one another’s company. I need this. I ache for this. If not from Jesus, then from someone else who loves me strongly.
I want to end this post in some tidy, poetic, inspirational way.
But, I’m tired.