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The Fragility of Friendship June 23, 2013

Posted by thesociallyawkwardchristian in Christianity.
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Earlier this week, I sent out a tweet that said, why do we push away those that like us, and chase after those that don’t? 

I’m not sure if that tweet is always true, but sometimes it feels that way in my life. I do know in most of my relationships, both romantic and platonic, it seems that the ones that really seem excited when I call or text are the same ones that I roll my eyes at when I see their names pop up on my iPhone. It also seems like the ones that I really want to talk to often reply with the one word replies that we all despise. It’s a paradox of pain.

Recently, a friend whom I adore posted a picture on Instagram of her new hairstyle. I commented about how much I loved it. A few minutes later, someone else commented on it about how good they thought it looked. My friend responded to their comment with a hearty “Thank you!!” but did not say anything to my comment. Is it wrong of me to be hurt by that? I feel like it’s petty for something like that to upset me, but I can’t deny that it does either.

At the same time, I wonder how many times I have ignored those that have reached out to me. Or given the “lol” or “k” replies to those that are just bored and lonely and want to talk to me. As an introvert, it is common to have a few close friends than many. But, I wonder how many more I could have if I would try to take some of the love, concern, and care I give to those who don’t reciprocate in similar fashions (at least not as often as I do), and give them to the people to sincerely like me instead.

Love is both choice and compulsion. Our hearts are geared to care about some people more than others. But, at the same time some relationships aren’t healthy and we must to choose to rein in our hearts. This does not mean we must cut out some people out of our lives completely (though it may), but we must at least protect ourselves from experiencing unnecessary pain due to our own emotions. Friendships are fragile. They must be taken care of. But, so are our own hearts. Sometimes, we must give both, our friendships and our hearts, to the Creator of both and let Him do the caring.

The Rumors of His Demise… June 6, 2013

Posted by thesociallyawkwardchristian in Christianity.
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Hello, friends.

Long time, no blog. I wish I could have a good excuse for you. I got married and had a family and moved to Orlando to work as an Imagineer. Joined the Peace Corps. Went on a worldwide adventure with Bob Goff. But, while those would be awesome. None are true. 

The real reason I have been MIA is not because I have been so busy. It’s not even that I’ve had nothing to say. I admit, at times I didn’t see the point in blogging about what I wanted to blog about when so many others can say what I want to say in a much more eloquent way. But, in all honesty, the biggest reason I haven’t blogged in over a year is the thorn in my side I’ve had ever since I was a boy.

Laziness.

I never have liked work. Which isn’t the awful thing to say, I realize. Most people don’t like work and just do it because we have to. The strange thing is, blogging is a type of work I enjoy. It re-freshens and rejuvenates me. But, some times I just wanna watch TV or stare at the wall. It’s particularly hard to write when feeling depressed or tired, as I have been for much of the past year. The day to day job I work really is slowly sucking the life out of me. Plus, I’ve had a few failed attempts of wooing a woman or two that haven’t set well with me, combined with not getting a couple of jobs I really wanted has led to a feeling of being drained all the time. These are all reasons I should have been writing. But, after being in such a funk for such a long time, eventually you learn to live with it and become comfortable  enough where you don’t want to exit it. That’s me. 

I’ve always written for myself, first of all. When people say they enjoy my writing or it’s helped them in some way, that’s great. I praise God for that. But, the truth is before it helped anyone else it helped me first. My most popular post, The Truth About Being a Socially Awkward Christian, helped me to reveal what really goes on inside my head in social situations, as well as figure out how to deal with them. The fact that I still get comments on that post that I wrote almost three years ago speaks volumes to how much healing God can do when we are really just open and honest about our own demons. 

Such is the reason for this post. As I have said, I’ve been in a extremely low point lately. If God really uses my writing to bring healing to myself and to others, then I have no excuse but to write.The thing about laziness is that the only cure for it is the one thing that it hates: work. It’s like the cure for being greedy is to start giving. But, I don’t think any work cures laziness. In fact, if all the work we do is work we hate, I think that makes us lazy in the work we love. So we have to fill our free time with more work, the kind of work that refills us rather than drains us. I applied to another seminary. The seminary I wish I had gone to 9 years ago instead of the college I did. It’s scary because it involves doing more work than I have in awhile, not to mention it could bring with it a lot of debt. But, when a cancers like laziness and depression start eating at your soul, the worst thing you can do is just sit there and die. Risk is apart of life, especially a Christian’s life. And you don’t risk anything by being scared and lazy. 

Here’s hoping I’ll see you soon here on this blog. I’m going to try and work to not be away for so long again. Thank you to everyone who reads this for your support. 

 

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